Tuesday, December 29, 2009
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Banta wanted to board his horse. The first farmer she asked said he would keep it at Rs 250 a day, plus he would keep the manure.Saturday, November 28, 2009
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A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains.
The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A lion was getting married..at his wedding was a mouse shouting away..and congratulating the lion,"all the best my brother...good luck.." seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother...
another lion grabs the mouse in anger and asks"who the hell do you think you are" how can a lion be your brother ... "you are only a mouse"The mouse replies"I was also a lion before i got married''...
Be Positive & Think Positive
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck."
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Poems written by husband to wife
Poems written by husband to wifewrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
thenI wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little starYou should know what you areAnd once you know what you areMental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautifulwhy doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are bluemonkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there toonot in cage but laughing at you.
Poems written by husband to wife
There was this blonde city-girl
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and foundherself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing nextto a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?
"The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patienttone.
"Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage withhorns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Othertimes we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops ofacid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold
.Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'causeit's a horse."
Poems written by husband to wife
Poems written by husband to wifewrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. thenI wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little starYou should know what you areAnd once you know what you areMental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautifulwhy doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are bluemonkeys like u should be kept in zoo.Don't feel so angry you will find me there toonot in cage but laughing at you.
Poems written by husband to wife
There was this blonde city-girl
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and foundherself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing nextto a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
"Sir,"
she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?"The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patienttone.
"Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage withhorns.
Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw.
Othertimes we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops ofacid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns
.But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'causeit's a horse."
Poems written by husband to wifewrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
thenI wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack.
******
God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.
******
Twinkle Twinkle little starYou should know what you areAnd once you know what you areMental hospital is not so far.
******
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautifulwhy doesn't it rain on you?
******
Roses are red, Violets are bluemonkeys like u should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry you will find me there toonot in cage but laughing at you.
Poems written by husband to wife
There was this blonde city-girl
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and foundherself in a rural area. She noted a farm animal standing nextto a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
"Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?
"The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patienttone.
"Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage withhorns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw.
Othertimes we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops ofacid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold.
Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'causeit's a horse."
Should I have a baby after 35?
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moodythat sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? !
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural.
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant?
Q: Is there any reasonI have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.?
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?A: Yes, pregnancy.Q: Do I A:have to have a baby shower?
Q: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week.When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
and more info visit site
http://www.shani4u.blogspot.com
Cool Meanings * FUNNY HUMOR*
Cigarette:A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other
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Love affairs:Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
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Marriage:It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and awoman gains her master
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Divorce:Future tense of marriage
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Lecture:An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer tothe notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.
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Conference:The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
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Compromise:The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes hegot the biggest piece.
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Tears:The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower..
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Dictionary:A place where divorce comes before marriage.
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Conference Room:A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagreeslater on.
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Ecstasy:A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have neverfelt before.
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Classic:A book which people praise, but do not read.
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Smile:A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
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Office:A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
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Yawn:The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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Etc:A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
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Committee:Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide thatnothing can be done together.
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Experience:The name men give to their mistakes.
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Atom Bomb:An invention to end all inventions.
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Philosopher:A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
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Diplomat:A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actuallylook forward to the trip.
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Opportunist:A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
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Optimist:A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway See I amnot injured yet.
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Pessimist:A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of thefirst letter in word OPPORTUNITY
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Miser:A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
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Father:A banker provided by nature.
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Criminal:A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
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Boss:Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
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Politician:One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
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Doctor:A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
